Sunday, July 25, 2010

Cutthroat

One of my favorite episodes of the Twighlight Zone was about a wager. The scene starts off at a country club for the elite in society. Men are heard talking about their businesses, stock portfolios, and lavish lifestyles. The focus then settles on a younger man, probably in his late twenties, who is a bit garrulous and exaggerating his success. One of the older club members decides that he can not take listening to this arrogant young man anymore, so they end up making a wager. The deal is that the young man will have to go for one year without saying a word. To be sure he is compliant, he will have to agree to live in this cell on the club grounds. If he is successful, the older business man will be forced to pay the younger man a large sum of money, which will not be difficult for the rich old man.

The majority of the remaining part of the episode surrounds the young man in his cell, while day after day, the older man taunts him, insults him, ridicules him, questions him, and says whatever else he can think of to get the young man to speak. The year comes and goes and the episode ends on the day when the young man's time in the cell is up and he is released. Before the young man speaks, the old man appologizes to the young man saying, the reason I tried so hard to get you to speak was because I really do not have that money I said I do and will therefore be unable to pay you your winnings. The young man turns away, defeated, and as he does, the older man asks, how were you able to go so long without speaking. The young man turns back around and pulls down the lip of his turtleneck and exposes the scars from where he had his vocal chords surgically severed.

It was at that moment that the audience realized the morals of the story. I say morals because there were many points you could take from that story. One was the greed of the youngman to go to the length of cutting his throat to win money, just so he could fit in at the club. Another would be the pride of the older man who lied about his finances so that he could remain a member of the club. Both men walked away having lost a great deal. The young man his ability to speak and the older man his pride and integrity.

In life, it often seems as though the only way to ensure our compliance is to totally take away any ability to act to the contrary. When in life have you ever cut your own throat, figuratively speaking of course, so that you could ensure obedience to yourself or another?

The topic of today's message in PG Sunday school class was silence. I mean being able to disconnect from the world, whether it be through use of cell phones, pagers, computers, telephones, MP3 players, etc. to just focus on listening to God. Have you ever had a speaking fast? Have you ever tried to go 2 hours, 2 days, or maybe even 2 weeks without speaking to anyone, listening to music, watching t.v., or surfing the web? I remember an assignment for my World Religions class at Yuba College in Northern California about 10 years ago I had to have a media fast for 2 hours. That meant that I was not to intake any information verbal or visual for that period of time. I could not read, speak, or listen to anyone or anything. All I could do was write, if I was so inclined. The goal was to teach you to listen to your thoughts.

Over the past couple of years, I have made every effort I could to "help God" get me to where He wanted me to go. I applied to 5 doctoral programs, the Air Force for a commission as an officer, and 8 jobs working as a counselor for the VA. I researched on line jobs ranging from intelligence specialist to counselor to FBI Special Agent to Secret Service Agent to INS Agent, all of which were in multiple states. I have looked into countless other psychology doctoral programs, MBA programs, Nursing programs, Physical Therapist programs, and even a Pharmasist doctorate. That caused me to look into the possible jobs that those degrees listed might bring. I considered going back into the Air Force as an enlisted man performing interpretation of a foreign language, even though I believe that although it would be fun, would be a step down in my career progression. I have even looked at joining other branches and foresake my beloved Air Force, so that it would mean that I could settle on a career as an officer for the next 12 years until retirement where I would then be forced to find another career. But at least I would be free for 12 years from planning my future.

All of this planning, researching, contemplating, comparing, and contrasting has created a decent size amount of stress in my life and not just for me but for my wife, who in turn puts more stress on to me. This insight was lost on me until yesterday when I had the chance to play golf with a buddy of mine. He too is a counselor that does in-home therapy. Although he is a couple of years further along in his career than I am. After the game during lunch, he described to me his frustrations with career decisions and they seemed remarkably similar to my own. He also told me about a deal he made with God. He promised that he would not do any planning or decision making in regards to future planning for the next year in an attempt to "hear from God." Despite his choice to refrain from cutting his own throat, I believe my friend James will be able to do it.

His proposition got me thinking. What if I made a similar deal with God? Not that I feel I have to do it because James is doing it (like my last few failed attempts at dieting with my wife), but because I see James going through the same struggles I am having and after hearing that parallel message in Sunday school group about listening to God, it seems like a clear solution. I too will not make any decisions for the next year about what my future will look like. No attempts to join the service, find a new job, apply for a doctoral program or any other degree program, will be made. I will avoid looking on line for hours at night to find something better, more fulfilling, higher paying, or something that gets me closer to the Southwest. I will not add stress to my wife's already stressful life by suggesting a possible move, maybe even across country, with little warning. I will just sit and listen.

Hopefully, a year of following this fast will lead me to greater rewards. I may not get a huge payout from God but I would settle for not having to cut my throat. Of course, as little as I speak now, I doubt anyone would take much notice.

1 comment:

  1. I admire what you are doing and am praying that God will reveal Himself to you in an extraordinary way!

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