The Name Game

"Michael, Michael, motorcycle" and "Give it to Mikey, he eats anything. He liked it, Mikey likes it" were about the only insults to my first name that I heard growing up. The first one wasn't even that bad and it was only used by one kid I knew in 1st grade and I accidently broke his arm. More on that story at a later date. So, unlike most other kids I knew, I was teased very little due to my first name. My last name however, is a different story.

Sweetie and I are at a place where we are trying to pick a name for our future child. He or she is supposed to arrive in early to mid January and we want to have a name picked out. We should be finding out next month the gender and of course that will narrow our options. I think sweetie is a little more meticulous about finding the perfect name than I am. It is a given that I do not want to be one of those parents that picks out a horrible name for his child that causes him or her to get made fun of all the time. Lord knows that he or she will get laughed at enough due to our last name. But I don't think it is that big of a deal. Sweetie's standards for names seems to be a little bit higher than mine. There are many names that I like and she does not like any of them, where as she has a select few that she likes and of those, I like one or two.

Luckily, I have been able to loosen up her standards lately. Before she would say no because she had a student named that (and considering she taught for 6 years, that makes it difficult) or because she did not like the initials. For her, this ruled out any name that started with a "B" because when combined with my last name, was "BM", which she says are the initials of "Bowel Movement". I had never heard this term until I met my wife. It must be a Mid-West thing. Then she will decide if it is unique enough. Because our first child was given a unique name, my wife feels like we have to have a unique name for the next one as well or he or she may feel cheated and unloved. I think we did too well with our first boy's name. We peeked too early, like the MTV movie awards did with the lifetime achievement award to Clint Howard. Also, any shortened names that do not go well together with our last name has been ruled out. She has also vetoed any names that have similar sounds as the last name, for example, she would not like "Jane Plane" or "Jack Black". If it has past all of the above tests, then it moves on to the final test which is the doctor's name test. She says the full name like they do at a college graduation or she says it like she is paging our child over the intercom "Paging Dr. Christopher Collins, Dr. Christopher Collins to the OR stat". If it sounds presidential, doctoral, and distinguished enough, then she just decides whether or not she likes it.

This process is very complex but not without its fun. I like to tease my wife with a name I teased her about wanting for our first son, and that is "Blade" I enjoy bringing it out every now and then for a laugh. I should probably hold off on joking about it anymore though because she may soon start to think that I really do want it.

Our lives have been very entertaining these past few weeks due to this topic. We will be driving around and spot a name on a billboard or a street sign and attach that name to our last name, consider the initials, the flow, the nicknames, the uniqueness, the quality, etc. Most of the time we are kidding of course, because who would want a first name like "Battlefield" or "Maaco" or "Glenstone"? We will also at random times just spit out a name that we like or sounds interesting. We may mull it over for a minute or a couple of days, saying it in different tones at different volumes, and at different tempos, like sloshing around a good wine or a new beer in your mouth, feeling for texture, acidity, and flavor. Most names are spit out quickly while others are consumed and allowed to rest for a day or two before returning to them. My dad has dropped hints before our first one was born, hoping to get his name in there somewhere, which led us to consider "Robbertson" for a boy. I do not care for Robert for a first name but we may have it for the middle name.

All in all, this decision is tough. I would not mind some help from others about any good names, especially less common names or maybe even unique names. If we have a girl, I would like Charlotte or Elizabeth so I could call her "Libby." For me, boy names are much easier to decide on. I could equally settle for Joshua, Caleb, Bauer, Sawyer, etc. My graduate class was very helpful in assisting me with creating a list of names that I liked to present to sweetie for her consideration. I could sure use their help again.

This is tough. Anyone have any ideas?